Ask Dionne Warwick

I made a few phone calls today to see what the future holds. My friends over at the Psychic Friends Network gave me a freebie. I lied and said it was my birthday. Go ahead and judge me! I know you all like to get free stuff as much as the next person.

So here's what's up: Miss Dionne said that some have been making predictions about what the future holds for The Aiken. She quickly dismissed what others had said and gave me a few guesses...um...predictions...of her own, courtesy of a few champagne cocktails and a crystal ball.

In 2009, in addition to being a baby daddy, The Aiken will

• Take over for Hugh Hefner and fill the playboy mansion with guys.


• Be a contestant on America's Next Top Model as a "man in transition"


• Relive American Idol Hell through the eyes of Ryan Seacrest


• Overcome aquaphobia and bathe in the Danube with Reed Kelly


• Judge a hip-hop dance contest for Soul Train

And lastly my personal favorite

• Get his own late night talk show on LOGO (ala Aiken After Dark)

Sounds like great fun if you ask me. I think I'm going to go find my grail someplace where they have golden arches. Over and out.